Join the Journey

I used to wonder, how does somebody get from thinking, "Hmmmm, wouldn't it be cool to be a missionary?" to finishing up their first term and heading back for home assignment.

Well, I'm finding out, and going about it a little clumsily. There are people to guide us, but we still need to stumble our way through. I hope my blog entries are interesting and informative.

If you want to get updates directly to your e-mail please contact me at this link. I'll try to keep them to once per month. More frequent updates will be in the blog.

Adam

Waiting On God's Timing

Well, Marge and I were racing to be ready for the February Candidate Seminar at ABWE, but just recently have decided to wait until the Candidate Seminar that will be held this July. I'm disappointed, and a little frustrated. At the same time, I have every confidence (and Marge does too), that it is the right choice. Our "Missionary Mobilzer" at ABWE also felt that it might be best. He, Don Trott, was thinking of our children. If we are at the July Candidate Seminar, it won't disrupt the children's schooling. It will also be cheaper for us as we can send the children off to visit family while we are gone. It will also give us time to pay off our credit card debt. I doubt very much that ABWE will appoint us as missionaries with Credit card debt. It also gives us more time to study for our oral doctrinal exam.

It felt like a crash, as I was eager to discover where God would be sending us and the work that He had set aside for us to do. If we had gone to the February Candidate Seminar, would could have started raising support in March. Everything seemed to moving very fast, and I believe God is slowing things down for a reason.

"O Lord, though has searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my though afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways." Paslm 139: 1-3 (King James Translation)

I believe God is sovereign, and that He really does have a plan for us. He knows that we have been delayed, and this was not outside of his control. Rather, I think, that He is working in the circumstances in order to re-shape us, and make us more like Jesus. Being more like Jesus is to my benefit, and also brings God glory and pleasure.

I'm still a little confused. I believe that God has some unique things for us to do, but it's not clear to me right now. It's quite difficult for me to wait and pray. I tend to either do or freeze. God used Paslm 139 to shift my thinking and build my trust.

"Thou compassest my path and my lying down . . ."

A lot of people prefer the newer translations of scripture, but the old translation is what I grew up with and it is that to which my heart returns. It isn't really difficult to understand: The Lord has my path surrounded and surrounds me even when I am asleep. The scripture doesn't even say that I am supposed to ask for God's protection, it is something that He does.

Paslm 139 goes on to talk about God's exhaustive knowledge of me and his everpresent spirit. I am never alone. He never leaves me. Since I know that God is absolutely loving, absolutely wise, and absolutely holy, I know that the Lord will do what is best for me and His glory.

I want God's best. I want to willingly submit to His timing and trust His will.

Thanks for reading about the struggle.

Keep the Parmenter's in your prayers.

Adam

Ice Ice Baby

Today is the day honoring Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. So, my employer is closed and I get a day off with pay. The children still were to have school.

The alarm went off and I turned on the radio. My wife and I will often lay in bed and listen to the half hour news cast on NPR. That means I fall in and out of sleep and miss most of it. My wife said, school is closed because of ice. Suddenly I was awake as I saw flashes outside my window.

Venturing downstairs to the front door and stepped in the morning chill. The branches on every bush and tree creaked in the gentle wind like the bones of a 95 year old man.

If that gentle wind becomes any stronger the wheight of the ice could start breaking off those branches, and the power lines strung outside our house.

This happened once before, during an early October ice storm. Then the ice added wheight to both the branches and all the leaves that were still on the trees. Branches were down everywhere, and so where power lines.

Right now everything is covered with an eighth to quarter inch of ice.

Curious what happens next.

Later

Adam

Today I Cursed God

I've never done that before. Not like I did today. I just poured out. Not a string of curse words, just a single two word phrase, and I said it with invective.

I'm not even sure if that's correct word usage. Saying it with invective. But this is a blog, so I can make up words and use them if I want to.

I had an experience that shook me to the core. For a day, I stared at God in disbelief. Unwilling to believe that He could allow what He had allowed to happen.

I don't remember much else of what I said. I'm sure I said something like "How could you do this to me!?" Then, to add to it I got angry all over again about the chronic pain of fibromyalgia and the frustration of Asperger syndrome, and I could feel the frustration building up in me like Mentos and a Diet Pepsi. Just at the moment of critical pressure the cap exploded off and I cursed God.

I immediately thought of Job, who had learned of the death of all of his children, and the complete loss of his entire business. Then to top it off, Job came down with a painful case of boils all over his body.

Job was a tough act though. He scraped the boils with a scrap piece of pottery, and then sat in a pile of ashes. The ashes was to signify sorrow and repentance. You remember the saying, "sack cloth and ashes". His wife saw him there being noble and she said (I'll paraphrase), screw your integrity, just curse God and die!

You can read the actual account in the Bible in the section called, "Job". Job didn't curse God, but he struggled to come to grips why God had allowed such evil to befall him.

I didn't experience one little sliver of what Job had to go through, but there I was practically flipping God off. I'm disappointed in myself actually. I say that I'm willing to live and die for Christ, but when He allows some extreme disappointment and hurt to enter my life, I turn on Him like a made dog.

I had been thinking how much I had grown spiritually lately. I have actually. My perspective is changing, and it is a rich and rewarding experience. That said, God gave me a glimpse into an ugly cesspool, that I had careful kept concealed from myself: I don't trust God to be good to me. In fact, I actually expect God not to do anything in my life. My faith is growing, my trust in God's sovereignty, and my sense of adoration and wonder is in its healthy infancy. My sense of enthusiastic trust is quite missing.

In the back of my mind was the motto: If at first you don't succeed, try and fail, try and fail again. So, when one of the rocks that I place my trust in was swept away from me this week, I was left with only God to trust in, and I was shaken to the core.

The drama and heartache of that day was resolved by that evening. Resolved completely, yet my emotions and intellect are still smarting from the experience.

How do I desire God above all else? I want such a desire.

How can God come to be the one and only rock, the foundation of my life? I want Him to be.

How can I trust God at all times, regardless of what circumstances He allows into my life. I believe that the Bible is true, and it says to trust in God with all my heart. That means, when the worst possible circumstance is sprung upon me, God is allowing it for my good and His ultimate glory.

I know those things, and believe them to be true, but I don't presently live inside them. That implicit trust hasn't become an integral part of my grid through which I view the world. My paradigm.

Time for a paradigm shift.

Gifting

So what are spiritual gifts? I've been reading about these lately, and have been considering them. Wiser men then me have written large books about them, but what strikes me most is that they are given to all believers in varying measure in order to serve and build up other believers. The purpose is so that church (i.e. the gathering of believers) may be taught and mentored into being like Jesus.

For me, that states what I want to be as a missionary: I want to be an equipper. I want to use my skills to teach, train, and mentor people into a mature relationship with Christ. A relationship in which those I serve will in-turn mentor, teach, or train. I feel drawn to work with young men and children. I think, I enjoy the openness of children and their sense of wonder.

It's exciting to investigate and discover the treasures hidden in God's Word. They're there for anyone with the time and willingness to dig for them. For example, the first chapter in Genesis is a vast treasure trove of wonder. I've made several presentations on the wonder and vast artistry of God's creative power. Using Microsoft PowerPoint and pictures drawn from the internet, you can expose people to that very wonder buried in the text of Genesis chapter 1. Frankly, I've only scratched the surface. Romans 1:20 says that God's invisible attributes can be perceived from what He has made. It's like an art historian telling you about what a certain painter was like by looking at the paintings. So, I had a PowerPoint slide show that took a glimpse at the vastness of outer space to the minutia of sub-atomic particles called quarks. In both those macro and micro scales there is an orderliness and system to all things that betrays the hand of a maker. There is no evidence of random chance in the created order of things. There is also an indication of God fierceness in the roaring rage of the lion or black bear. There is also an indication of God's tenderness in the gentle warmth of a kitten and the trust of an infant.

I could go on and on, but these sorts of visual tours of creation fascinate and awe me as they introduce me to the God who both gave his life for sinners in Jesus Christ and indwells all who believe in God's Holy Spirit. The God who made the universe is the same God who raised Jesus from the dead. The same God whose Spirit dwells in all believers.

Anyway, I've gotten distracted.

I want to spend my days introducing people to the fullest wonder of my Lord Jesus: God and Lord, Savior, and King. I'm not sure what that gift is, but I'm eager to use it more.

References and Reactions

It's funny how some of the people reacted to being asked to provide a personal reference to ABWE on Marge, myself or both. I felt honored that a brother-in-law of mine wanted to talk to me first and then give it some prayer. He wanted what he had to say to be "spirit lead". It humbled and honored me that he took it so seriously. Others were really excited to be part of us going to the mission field and couldn't wait to find out where we finally decided to go. For me there are a couple people who were willing to do the reference, but made it clear that they didn't understand why I would want to do such a thing.

Speaking of reactions, it has been curious the variety of reactions that I get. Frankly, I see myself as just an average guy. Really. I think that I'm fairly bright in some respects, but far from brilliant or monumental in any way. I will say that there are times recently when I've said or sung something as an act of humble service to God and it has come out as profound and moving. I credit that entirely to God's work. Even as a singer I am average. I am good at singing and song writing, but I am in no way great. I'm not using some kind of false modesty. Compared to singers or song writers in the business, the great ones stand far above me.

So, you can imagine that the fact that ABWE (or BGC for that matter) encouraged us in our pursuit of missions was a surprise. I kept expecting some one at some point to make us put on the breaks and say, "Why don't you just stay here in the states and support missions." That hasn't happened. Quite the contrary with ABWE, I have been looking at some of their various works and there are a number of opportunities for some one such as myself.

So, for me it is an honor and a privilege to be considered for service as a missionary. It is a natural extension of my relationship with Jesus Christ and how it is growing. Also, it is a response for my desire to have more time to do church stuff. I want to spend time mentoring and teaching people. That's my reaction to this whole journey to missions: surprise and gratitude.

There are some at work that are in "awe", so to speak, that I would even attempt such a thing. There is one that looks at me as sort of some kind of hero of the Christian faith. That always throws me to hear that kind of response. I think any Christian who has even a little desire to serve could turn the skills God has given them toward missionary service.

We have some friends and acquaintances that have told us, when you start raising support, come talk to us. We want to support you financially. That is humbling as well. For any missionary candidate it is important that they build a support team around them, but understanding what that is has taken a great deal of thought on my part.

I have to confess, that for me, my level of "support" to many missionaries has been their prayer picture card is stuck to my refrigerator by a magnet. Is that how those of us at "home" participate in the work of a missionary?

Our parents are cautiously supportive. For both sets of parents it makes them a little nervous to see their children and grand children flinging themselves into the unknown. This process all started in April, and at the very earliest we will be on the mission field in early 2008. I'm hoping that gives enough times for all of our friends and loved ones to get used to the idea, and for us to communicate a sense of why we are going and how they can help.

Adam

ABWE - Pealing Me Open Again

I feel like I'm getting pealed open again, but this time it's different. When Marge and I applied for the BGC Missions Assessment Conference, I felt like we were getting pealed open like a can of beans. It was a little unnerving.

As we are making application with ABWE it feels different. One reason it feels different is that I have done something like it already. I've kept making a point that the BGC event wasn't strictly for the purposes of screening BGC missionary candidates. That said, it was very much that.

Going into it Marge and I understood that they might very likely have an opening for us to consider. At the conference itself, however, of the five couple there, only one couple was specifically planning on pursuing a BGC missionary position.

Looking back on the Missionary Assessment Conference, it was three days well spent, but I still feel disappointment at the outcome. I'm not sure why. Perhaps a certain amount of embarrassment that they offered us a short term position and then the team in the field said that they didn't want us. Frustration that they so far have had nothing more to offer.It's hard when the assessors at the conference confirmed, "You are clearly called to missions", and so enthusiastically told us we would be perfect for a certain position, then that position fell through and the process stopped. I wish they would have said that they weren't sure what to do with us right away.

So, in a way, were approved as candidates for BGC with no position to which to go. They did throw out some other ideas, but nothing fit. In contrast, ABWE has such a broad spectrum of positions and countries that they are working with us to seek out God's will. That has been refreshing. They have a nurturing quality in their interactions. So we are nearly complete in the application process for ABWE.Some of the application information has been similar to what we completed for BGC. The nice thing is that all the forms are web forms that you "submit" online. So, I have a little web site that I log into to complete forms or check my progress. At the initial stage there is a preliminary application. If the prelim app hasn't been accepted by ABWE then the links for all the application stuff on the page don't work. Once the prelim app is accepted, then the long form application unlocks as do some other links.

The long form application asks about family, job, and church history. You also provide health history, and answer questions about major influences in your life. They ask you to provide at least 17 names for references. If you provide them with an e-mail address for a person then that person gets a web link via e-mail and the reference form is completed online.Another part of the application process is reading a text book on missions, a book on the history of ABWE, watching a DVD on ABWE, listening to a tape on conflict resolution and using a discipleship book with a new believer. I haven't done the discipleship book with the new believer yet. I don't really know any new believers.Probably the most unnerving part is the doctrinal exams. The first one is a multiple choice point and click 100+ question exam that you take online. Later we will be an oral examination before the ABWE Missions Moblizer. He is coming to Michigan to meet with us and others who are applying to be sent to missions by ABWE. They require your pastor to be present. I was told that during the oral exam they not only expect me to tell them what I believe, but have an idea of the general area in which a verse supporting my belief is found. Such as my saying Jesus and God are one is taught in the first chapter of the Gospel of John.Needless to say, Marge and I are studying vigorously.Also had to have some extra medical tests for stuff I would never have considered. I've never had a reason to get an aids test, and was a little embarrassed to get one.

We are nearly complete with the application process. The Missions Mobilizer, Don Trott, said that it can take three months to complete the application process or a matter of weeks. Other than a few things Marge and I will have completed it in about six weeks.I believe that we are on track for the Candidate Seminar in February. That is the final step before being "recognized" as a missionary by ABWE. Pray for Marge and I. We want to move in God's timing. If it's His timing, then all the pieces will be in place for us to attend the Candidate seminar.

Pray that God will help us make good financial decisions, and that we will grow in our faith and relationship with Christ.

Adam