Halloween - Playing Dress Up Everyday

This post isn't really about Halloween. It's about playing dress-up.

For me there has always been this struggle over how much of the real me I reveal at work and how much I put on an appearance for the benefit of the people around me.

As an adult with Asperger Syndrome (read more) I have to carefully filter out a lot of who I am so that I can successfully interact with the neurotypical world. Unfortunately, I have a hard time turning off the filter at the right time.

I know, you thinking, everyone has that problem.

Granted. So help me understand how to quit play acting and starting sharing my faith at work in a dynamic and compelling way. I'm busy enough reminding myself not to rock back and forth at my desk and not to say half the stuff that comes into my mind. There's a million other things.

I can't be myself and keep my job. So, how do I let enough of my faith seep through that I have the opportunity to plainly and clearly share Christ?

I don't know, but I want to.

Adam

What If I Weren't Afraid?

What if you had nothing left to fear?

I’ve been wondering how often we decide to do something or to avoid a particular thing because we are afraid. I read a book recently that encouraged me to keep asking the question, "What would I do if I were not afraid?"

Terror has become a common feature of American life. No one knows where or when the next strike could happen on American soil. Bridges, government buildings, shopping malls, communities, anyplace could be a target. We used to feel powerful. We used to feel safe from enemy invasion. Now nearly anybody could sneak across borders and destroy all that we enjoy.
What I wonder will happen on the West coast? Tornadoes in California? I didn’t think they got those. Has there ever been a Tsunami as devastating as the one that recently hit Asia? Tsunami wasn’t even a word that most of us used until the beginning of this year? What’s next? Tsunami hits America? Earthquake in the Midwest?

The news recently expounded on the growth of hate groups in the U.S. These are clubs of people that hate . . . I think they hate other groups of people, and want to drive them out, hurt or kill them. Am I safe from them.

I don’t even need to speak of domestic policy issues such as social security, job losses, and violence in our schools. Where and when will the next school shooting be? When I was growing up, school was a safe place.

Isn’t there some way we could be safe again? Some way we could be in control of our lives again?

The answer is no and yes.

Truth is we are never in control, and we never have been safe on our own. There never was a good-old-day. Violent men have always used aggression to have their way. Oppressive organizations have forced their will upon communities from the early days of our nation and throughout the world. Abuse and manipulation are not inventions of the twentieth or twenty-first centuries.

On the contrary, A September 9th, 2002 USA Today headline cheered, "Violent crime rate in America continues steep decline" An October, 25th, 2004 CNN headline also mentioned "crime in the United States dropped 3 percent last year, continuing the downward trend in the nation's crime rate over the past decade, the FBI announced".

So why am I so afraid?

I believe that one of the keys is that in America Christians have become more and more distant from the living impact of God’s word. Most Christians believe that the Bible is the infallible Word of God, true in every way. Unfortunately they believe it in the same way they believe that in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue. I consider the existence of Columbus a fact, but it has no impact on my attitude, actions or relationships. In the same way I believe that we’ve allowed our belief in scripture to be divorced from whatever it is that drives our attitudes and actions.
II Corinthians 5:7 says, "We live by faith, not by sight." (NIV translation)

The impact here is that regardless of circumstances in which we find ourselves, our lives are based on unyielding beliefs in God’s goodness and love. We can go into the world without fear, because we believe that nothing can come into our lives without God allowing it. When tragedy strikes we can approach God and say, I’m hurt, I’m confused, but I’m also convinced that you only allow things in my life that are for my best and for your glory.

If I’m living by sight, then I’m also living by what I can control. I can barely control events that come up in my daily life. I know I can not control world events or the destiny of other people. If I live by sight, then this world and this moment are the focus of my life and the center of my worship. If I live by site, I am doomed to live in disappointment and fear, because this world is falling apart, burdened in sin, and destined to face God’s judgment.

Living by faith means that I act upon the belief that God’s word and eternal plan are more significant and powerful than any event or circumstance that I may face. If I’m living by faith, I’m also believing that this present age is a tiny slice of nothing; a mere moment, compared to the endless joy of eternity. Just as I dislike my bimonthly allergy shot, I know that it is for the best, and it is only a momentary pain. That is how God sees our brief span on this earth. When I live by faith I will strive to view my life in the same way.

Living by faith comes by prayer, and by deciding to live by God’s word even when I’m afraid to. Living by faith may require enduring some very tough times, but the result is like that of Gold refined in the fire: A life more beautiful, refined and pure: fit for God’s glory and eternal purpose.

Journey to the Field - MAC Day Four

Day four was quite brief. Curt Hanson gave a brief devotional to encourage us, we gathered for a group photo, and then each couple had a final interview in which the assessors gave us a printed summary of our their recommendations. It contained a summary of what they believed to be our strengths and areas for growth.

We hit the road and sailed straight home. My brilliant plan was to take I-94 all the way back. The first surprise was that I-94 literally detoured through Milwaukee and then onto Milwaukee's Lake Shore Drive. You could tell that the road crew had pieced together on ramps, off ramps, and laid new asphalt to shunt the highway into Milwaukee. It was something like a rollercoaster ride.

Note to self: Avoid I-94 in the Milwaukee area for about the next year. Major highway reconstruction.

We got stuck in a little bit of rush hour, but once on the highway were up and sailing again.

I'll say it again, it was a pivotal event in our life and we are still digesting what we learned about missions and discovered about ourselves. It has confirmed to us that God has called us to missions. We are taking additional steps to thoroughly consider that assignment that they suggested to us, and as soon as we think we are close to a decision I'll be completely clear about what it is.

Adam

Journey to the Field - MAC Day Three

Wednesday, Day three of the MAC was the shortest. From 9 to noon we continued to work on our missions strategy. Several of us had hunted for more information on the internet, and found some helpful things.

The Wolof in Senegal are a chiefly Muslim people group that live primarily in remote villages, but also are present in major cities. It was discovered that while they practice the five pillars of Islam, they have mixed in a healthy dose of animism. They have daily habits and rituals intended to ward of evil spirits. It was noted that if a Wolof adult turns to Christianity, they are not only alienated from their family, but may be beaten or killed, and will likely have their children taken from them. Often Wolofs who are newly converted to Christ, escape to the city which tends to be less culturally restrictive. It was also discovered that the literacy rate among the Wolof people is only about 27% and that only about 30% of the Wolofs have access to clean water.

As part of our simulated missionary team we decided that as a simple act of mercy and a cultural bridge to the Wolof people we would work on a water project and literacy as well as teaching the Bible chronologically starting in Genesis.

during all of our planning couples were pulled out for two one hour interviews: A missions interview and a psychological interview. This disrupted the planning process, but as Curt Hansen mentioned there are regular disruptions on the missions field as couples return to the states or other needs arise.

By 2:30 our missions simulation team was ready with several PowerPoint presentations (including a slide show of the Wolof people), and presentations from our team. I thought the point was to see how realistic and reasonable of a plan we could develop. That wasn't really the main point. Curt got up and pointed said, "Yesterday, you didn't even know who the Wolof people were. Do you see how much can be accomplished in just a short time by a team?" It was quite remarkable. It had also given us a sense for the amount of little things that need to be planned. Things if missed will become road blocks or show stoppers for a mission team.

Here are some things that stood out to me:

• Understand the impact of your work on the indigenous culture. A Wolof could be persecuted or killed for turning to Christianity. What should a missionary do to prepare for such an event? Do you just charge in full speed and if people are killed or displaced, Oh well? Or is there another way? One suggestion was to first set up a support system in the city, so that if needed a Wolof could find refuge there. The other suggestion was that by building bridges first through a water project and literacy training, the misisonaries would be able to gain some trust and acceptance. However, all that said, there may always be the risk of dangerous consequences for Wolof people who accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. They need to know that so that they can make their decision with their eyes open.
• Americans are viewed with suspicion. Individuals from Arab, Asian and even Latin American countries are more easily able to integrate into Muslim dominated countries. Americans feeling called to such countries need to enter in a creative way or partner with others who will have an easier time entering.
• I also saw how a team of focused, committed people will tend to drift into complimentary strength areas. When the focus is placed on the goal on not on whose in charge or who has control.

The Missions Interview was conducted by Curt Hansen along with Steve and Kay Abelman. Steve and Kay spent many years in church planting in the Philippines. They asked probing questions about our call, our health, any concerns about our children and our children's needs. It was quite practical. At the end of it, they made some suggestions for a possible field of service and approach to missions life.

What they suggested was along the following lines:
Because of our age, health concerns and lack of cross cultural experience, we would be well served to first commit to a short term assignment that would allow us to minister in English and have access to support systems that we may need (i.e. medical, educational, etc.).

Steve suggested that we consider serving at the mission's guest house in the Philippines. It's in a major metropolitan area which would have more medical and educational resources. Also we would be able to start out right away in English. We could make a one or two year commitment, get our feet wet and then go from there. We would run the guest house, and would also have opportunity to teach at the Bible school.

That was the third person who suggested something like being a house parent or running a guest house. Another mission agency rep. suggested much the same thing. It was not what I was expecting, but I listened carefully just the same.

The psychological interview was revealing, but not shocking. No skeletons in our closet, but there are areas that the pressures of living in an unfamiliar culture could exacerbate. We both have parts of our selves to strengthen.

After the day came to a close we both felt a little emotional and tired, so after a nap we went to dinner. We discovered a little place called 318 The Mill. It was a little coffee house that just so happened to be featuring a jazz combo. It was a great change of pace.

Adam

Journey to the Field - MAC Looking Back

Whew.

I'm a little worn out. Marge and I came straight back on Thursday. I'm happy that I had already taken the following day off of work, because Friday I just sort of napped and recovered. The day evaporated. Here it is nearly lunch on Saturday, and I've just started rolling.

So, I'll recap days three and four, but first I have to take a look back at the completed event. It ranks as one of the most intensely revealing and rewarding events of my life. Frankly, it was almost as if Marge and I had left the American culture and were at some missions assignment. Perhaps part of that was being with others who held a similar passion and love for the lost people outside of the U.S.

It feels strange to be back. I feel like I don't belong.

We received confirmation to continue toward missions. They issued some cautions due to our age, medical history, etc. They also let us know of some areas in Baptist General Conference (BGC) missions for which we would be will suited.

I thought that so much would be clear to me once I returned from the MAC. So much is quite clear, but not what I expected.

So, I promise tomorrow I'll go back to the MAC day three and follow the story all of the way through as best as I remember it, but I wanted to end this post with something I noticed yesterday: quiet.

I was driving the car to run an errand, and it occurred to me that during the entire 10 hour drive home and throughout the morning on Friday, my mind was absent the normal chatter and scenarios that normally pack my brain.

Instead there was an odd silence. It left me strangely alert and ready [not completely certain what I mean by that]. A verse came into my head, "Be still and know that I am God." It was a moment of pleasure: freed from worry or fretting, wondering or planning. Moments to simply, be. It lead me to spontaneous worship as I drove. I often wonder if other drivers think I'm some kind of crazy man as a speak and gesticulate to no one visible in the vehicle with me.

I just googled on the phrase, "Be still and know that I am God." It is found in the Bible in Psalm 46:10. Psalm 46:10 says some other things as well:
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, thought the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea. . ."

The Psalm goes on to paint a picture of people groups who have rejected the one true God attempting to wage war against Him. Here is how God dealt with them: "The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted."

I know that it is not policitally correct to call non-Christians "heathen" nor is it correct in America to say any disparaging remark about other faiths, but there is a universal truth here: It is God's perspective, values, and laws that are final. No other faith system is valid from God's perspective, and there really are no other God's. Before God every other system political or religious melts into nothing for it lacks a foundation in God's Word.

The one true God is so expansive and amazing that in the Bible He is given many descriptive titles. He is described as the Lord of Hosts, a commander of a powerful army, "The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge."

What does this have to do with "Be still and know that I am God?" First, God's Word, the Bible, is the truth and without it all are lost. Secondly, God does not lack the power to break through any system of thought with this life giving truth of His. It is not I who must some how convince others of the truth, but it is God Himself that does so by the power of His Word.

There is no reason for me to worry about where God is sending us and if we will be successful. It is my role to enjoy the honor of being called to God's service. It is my priviledge to serve and labor, watch God working through and around me, and render back to Him the praise for His abundant mercy.

One other thing, if you have never experienced the calm, stillness it is a wonderful thing. There is so much fear and fretting in our world, but none of it is out of God's control or beyond His ability to intervene.

"The Lord of hosts is with us, the God of Jacob is our refuge."

Journey to the Field - MAC Day Two

I don't imagine for a second that I can provide a complete or knowledgable summary of the day. Hopefully I can give you an indication of what we did with our time. Today's session generated much food for continued thought and consideration. This week of study and assessment is clearly a starting point as well as a point of clarification.

Today was the long day. We started at 8:30 am and won’t wrap up until about 8:30 pm. I’m really coming to enjoy the assessors. The presenters possess a wealth of insight born out of years of success and failure in a non-American culture.

One of our first activities of the day was to review an assessment tool that indicates how each of us prefers to work in groups. Marge and I both tested as fairly colaborative. This is neither good nor bad, it just is. Knowing our natural style will help us when we are in a team setting, and will help us understand when we need to adopt a different style (as best we can).

The largest chunk of the morning focused on the impact of culture.

Our job as missionaries is to take the truth of the Bible into the culture and communicate it in a culturally relevant way. The presenter/assessors referred to it as contextualization. Contextualization as a practice has caused some controversy in Evangelical circles, because taken to an extreme it can become syncretism (my opinion. maybe more on that later). That said, Jesus always spoke using methods that were deeply embedded in the Jewish culture (makes sense, as to His humanness he was born a Jew). Other Bible writers wrote within their own cultural context. The truth of the Bible, however is supracultural: Above culture.

The presenter made a striking comment, “God is beyond culture, God’s truth is beyond culture, we are not.”

He also read a story from a book called “Anthropological Insights for Missionaries”. In summary the story recounted a man in a tribe that practiced polygamy. The Christian church in the area condemned polygamy as a sin. The tribal man had two wives and third wife he had taken in when his brother died. The man claimed to be a Christian, and had several thought provoking things to say. One, he said, “My pastor prays that I will give up polygamy so I can become a church member [which would mean divorce for two of his wives], my wives pray that I will never become a church member.” The other comment was this, “The Bible condemns divorce, but not polygamy.” In a society in which polygamy is normative, and of practical benefit what do you say to men and women who turn to the Christian faith? Divorce all but one of your wives? Which wife? From scriptural principles how do you counsel this man?

My guess is that you would quote this Bible verse, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. . .” That indicates that a husband has a sacrificial love for His wife, caring for her and giving himself for her nurturing and growth as a person and (hopefully) Christian believer. How could a man serve his wife if he divorces her, and sends her away?

Weird, huh?

Missions Reality Check, was about counting the cost, before committing to the field. Realistically taking stock of the demands of life in an unfamiliar culture. Scripture says to “count the cost.”

What are some of the difficulties?
Food: In some cases refusing certain foods causes deep offense, and cause the missionary heart burn.
Climate
Personal and Physical Danger
Disease and Sickness
Lack of emergency services (no ambulance, not necessarily the same level of skilled care)
Raising children on the field and how the culture reacts to them
Distance from extended family
Sense of isolation because of a unfamiliar culture
In some cases isolated from other Christians
Frustrations of learning another cultures psychology, sensibility and modes of communication
Political unrest
Observing the locals that have embraced Christianity being persecuted for their new found Christian faith.
A missionary’s actions or intentions being misunderstood

He closed with a discussion of II Corinthians 1:8-10 which spoke of being pressed beyond what we can handle, but God providing the grace for us to over come challenges. There is that balance between practical assessment and an act of faith.

Just before dinner we did a conflict mode analysis tool that is designed to reveal how each of us deals with conflict.

After dinner, we began a missions strategy simulation. We were given the task of going as a missions team to the Wolof tribe in Senegal. In fact, before I go to bed I need to do some research. It was a blessing to have in our group individuals who had already spent time on the missions field and specifically with remote tribes.

The missions strategy simulation will take most of the day tomorrow. We will actually finish it by presenting a PowerPoint of our strategy and plan. During that time as we are all working together as a team, periodically couples are called out for assessment sessions with one of the psychologists, and a BGC mission assessor. This breaks the continuity of the team, but also simulates the fluidity of field work itself.

That’s a quick summary.

I’m sure after this is all done I’ll be writing about this for a while.

Adam

Journey to the Field - MAC Day One

It is a little after 10 pm.

We are sharing the MAC (Missionary Assessment Center) event with four other couples. Each couple was asked to name five adjectives for their spouse. In each case the wives used the word passionate as one of the adjectives for their husbands. I’m certainly guilty of that. The first day started at noon and concluded after dinner together at about 6:30pm.

It was mostly a get acquainted in the sense that each couple took 30 min. to describe their testimony, their call to missions, and to answer questions. It was a powerful and touching time. We also got to know the assessors. They all seem knowledgeable, friendly, and eager to provide us with useful information.

A touching moment was when one of the individuals described having to hide under the bed to pray and secretly read the Bible so that the mom and dad would not know. This person had an unquenchable desire for God, and as a child risked punishment to seek Him.

Tonight we filled out another personality profile that we will review as a groutomorrowow. The other test instruments will be reviewed and discussed with each couples privately with an assessor. One of the psychologists discussed why she believes the psychological testing is of God and an important part of the path to missions. She quoted the scripture about how a man building a tower counts the cost before he lays the foundation in order that he be able to complete the project. She said, a full awareness may help rule out some area of missions, but more importantly point to where the mission candidate will be able to best serve. She also noted that there is ainordinatelyly high number of missionaries that leave the field due to a variety of stressors.

I remember a couple weeks ago when Marge and I had dinner with Don Trott from ABWE, he said that their work (the mission staff) is to help us determine the placement that will allow us to best and most fully achieve God’s glory and purpose. I think that is what is happening here. I look forward to continued assessment and discovery.

The conversations during break and dinner have been just as rewarding as the sessions. Had dinner with some veteran missionaries who know work with churches on their missions programs. Also enjoyed conversation with the other candidates. Three of the couples brought their babies with them. The babies are a pleasant distraction. Some of the candidates had already been in the field. Several were born and raised on the mission field. One candidate was a poor child growing up in a Latin American country and is now working to spread the Gospel and alleviate poverty. Over and over the point was made that poorly trained missionaries who don’t understand the culture can do more harm than good. They stressed the importance of listening and discovering the context and discovering what the local believers or culture wants. Missionaries need to live out the question, "How can I help?" If the indigenous church exists in an area we need to support and equip them in the work of reaching their own people.

After the session Marge and I went back to our room and read a little bit. Marge leaned back against the head board of the bed as she was reading and it fell off of the wall. The hotel manager kindly moved us to a better room. We watched a DVD on my laptop and now we are settling in for a restful night's sleep.

When we first started getting prepared for this event, we thought that through it we were going to make a final go or no-go decision on missions. That is not the case. We have already made the go decision. Now we are hoping that God will give us a little more clarity on a people group and the work that he would have us do.

More tomorow.

Adam

Journey to the Field

Marge and I have been thinking through and process what we believe to be God’s call on our lives for missions since April. You’d think that there wouldn’t be that much work to do in order to make such a decision. I’ve been known to say, “Is you is or is you aint?” Nike says “Just do it”.

So what does it take to make such a decision, and is that decision characterized by a yes or no?
There isn’t a simple yes or no. It’s not like flipping on a light switch or signing on the dotted line, but a series of decisions, an extended time of assessing me, my life, and my relationship with God. So as part of that my wife and I registered to attend an event hosted by the Baptist General conference (BGC). The event is called the Missionary Assessment Center. From the schedule on the BGC website, it looks like there are several of these each year hosted by BGC churches in a variety of areas.

The registration form…… it was more like a registration process (ordeal?) was as rigorous as if we were applying to be BGC missionaries. In order to register for the event there was a three part application. The first part was a 10 page General information form covering everything from job and school history, family history (including what they do), health, giftedness, doctrinal beliefs, etc. The second part was two write a two page testimony of your Christian faith, and the third section was a set of confidential question about everything “Do you have a criminal record” to “where you sexually active before marriage”.

After the registration packet we had to provide about 15 references. Our references where asked thorough questions about our character and faith. Finally we completed three professional personality and marriage tests that will be assessed by a professional counselor.
Marge looked at me this morning and said, “These people already know a lot about us.” I think that there are about eight people attending this (don’t know for sure), and then a BGC staff and contracted professionals who make up a team of “assessors”. That is truly one aspect of this event: To give us an unbiased, undiluted assessment of our readiness and giftedness for the life of a foreign missionary. I’m hoping and expecting that they will ask a lot of hard questions, and be quite forthright about the areas in which Marge and I will struggle. Moving to a culture foreign to my own will create stress, regardless of how much I may love it or love what I do there. Working in ministry in a third world country also creates stress. What am I saying; being in ministry in the U.S. is stressful. Pastors and church leaders get bashed around all of the time, and that’s by their own church members.

So, it seems to me that “Forewarned is forearmed”, and hopefully we will be given some wise counsel on how to best prepare and guard ourselves.

So, Marge spent several weeks arranging for the children’s care in our absence. She arranged for a woman from church to come stay with us and provided her with very detailed information. I charted out our route to get there and made sure that Marge got all the info on the hotel, etc.
We said goodbye to the children after the morning service at Bethel and sent them off to Sunday school. It was actually easier for them to say goodbye at church than at home. The morning service was a rich send off. The music seemed to be moving and subtle and drew me toward a sense of worship even though I was playing drums. I especially enjoyed it since Michael has taken up the percussion (conga, tambourine, shaker) while I holding down the drums. It’s been an opportunity for me to teach and learn as Michael has a growing musical ability that compliments mine. There was a song called Grace Flows Down that sounds like a touching jazz ballad to me. It’s very smooth, and the lyrics are such that it would be easy for the percussion to prove distracting. Michael held down the percussion with the conga, and I abandoned the drums in favor of shaker and light decoration with the tambourine. It add to the soothing qualities of the song in a way a smooth jazz song can help you unwind. The lyrics took that soothing quality and steered it toward the comfort of God’s grace flowing down to us. I feel privileged to be part of music in church that way.

After a challenging message from Moises Gomes (missionary in Portugal), Marge and I said our goodbyes, gave a friend a ride home (it was on our way), and hit the highway. That first turn on to the highway was the hardest part. Driving on to the highway felt like hitting the point of no return. It wasn’t really, but it felt like it.

Other than getting stuck in traffic near Chicago, we sailed along enjoying each others company. We talked our hearts out, and it was really good. I can’t even remember everything we spoke about, but it is just so good to spend time with my wife, and talk through . . . . everything.
We made it all the way to St. Paul in one shot, enjoyed a swim and had a great night’s sleep.
This morning I got up early and worked out, we enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and time to read, and think in our room.

We’re about to head for lunch and then on to a noon start for the MAC. I’m nervous about it. I’ll let you all know how it turns out.

Adam