Journey to the Field - Bump in the Road
What a weekend.
There was a specific assignment that Marge and I had been gearing up for, for weeks. They had asked us to consider running a mission house in Cebu, Philippines. We really, had given it serious consideration, and had sort fallen in for the idea.
unbeknownst to the Baptist General Conference (BGC) coordinator and us, one of the Philippine missionaries had found "the perfect" retired couple who had already agreed to run the mission house and was already in contact with the mission team in the Philippines.
So, when the BGC short term coordinator, Deb Castig, contact the team in the Philippines about us, they said no, they didn't want a family with two kids to come, they wanted the other couple.
So, we got that news on Wednesday.
It was a test of our commitment to trust God and continue toward missions. It also was a test of maturity. When I first got the news I was crushed. I had really got myself ready to do this thing. My immediate thought was, "forget the BGC! We'll just go somewhere else!" Fortunately I didn't say that to the BGC staff. Several hours later, I mellowed out and realized that God has been teaching me lately to look for the root issue and address it.
The root issue is that Marge and I felt we had formed a relationship with the BGC missions staff. So the next step would be to go to Arlington Heights (Illinois) anyway, and just ask lots of questions about what happens next.
It also occurred to me that Curt Hanson, BGC Career Missions coordinator, had spent three days with Marge and me during the MAC, but Deb Castig had only met me on the phone.
So, we went over there on Friday, and met with both Deb and Curt for several hours. It was pleasant, and my assessment is that Deb is a very competent and organized person. We discussed a number of possibilities of areas where we could use English in ministry and have opportunity to learn the language.
As always, my lack of credentials raises questions. There are possible teaching or preaching positions that I could do, but it would be a question of if the team on the field would balk at my lack of formal training.
So, now it's Monday, and my typical reaction would be to call Deb at BGC headquarters and say, "Any new ideas!". Instead, I've committed that I would simply wait, and pray for this week. If Deb Castig calls me, great! Marge and I both would like to have a target to consider, but we both know the target is the glory of God, and in every situation we can honor Him through simple trust.
I've been feeling bad lately, because I have trust, but I also have mistrust at the same time. Joy at following his design, and fear at leaping into the unknown. It made me feel fairly carnal. You know the drill, "OH, some Christian I am! I would rather stay, live a safe predictable life and earn good money." It didn't make sense that I had the desire and willingness to go anywhere and do anything for God, but had all these doubts and fears as well.
I read a great article that said (I'll paraphrase): Everyone knows how to do two things at once. Drive and eat lunch. Excited about a presentation and fearful about it at the same time. Yet, we feel like in matters of faith we have to be all or nothing. It shouldn't surprise us to have trust in God, and faith in His plan along with fears and doubts at the same time.
That was liberating to read. I am gripped with fear at times. I call them missions panic attacks. I'm leaving everything (or so it seems). We've talked about this as a family, and each of us can list things we will loose, things we will miss very much. Yet, I want to get on with it. I want to hit the road and start the work that God has for us. So, I am confident, and doubtful, eager and fearful all at once.
It is a tribute to how God has changed me over the years, that I'm willing to tolerate such ambiguity with out absolute panic or turning back to old "habits". I'm thankful too that God is "big enough" to know my desire to serve and please Him, and tolerate my failings as a patient heavenly Father.
Adam
Adam
There was a specific assignment that Marge and I had been gearing up for, for weeks. They had asked us to consider running a mission house in Cebu, Philippines. We really, had given it serious consideration, and had sort fallen in for the idea.
unbeknownst to the Baptist General Conference (BGC) coordinator and us, one of the Philippine missionaries had found "the perfect" retired couple who had already agreed to run the mission house and was already in contact with the mission team in the Philippines.
So, when the BGC short term coordinator, Deb Castig, contact the team in the Philippines about us, they said no, they didn't want a family with two kids to come, they wanted the other couple.
So, we got that news on Wednesday.
It was a test of our commitment to trust God and continue toward missions. It also was a test of maturity. When I first got the news I was crushed. I had really got myself ready to do this thing. My immediate thought was, "forget the BGC! We'll just go somewhere else!" Fortunately I didn't say that to the BGC staff. Several hours later, I mellowed out and realized that God has been teaching me lately to look for the root issue and address it.
The root issue is that Marge and I felt we had formed a relationship with the BGC missions staff. So the next step would be to go to Arlington Heights (Illinois) anyway, and just ask lots of questions about what happens next.
It also occurred to me that Curt Hanson, BGC Career Missions coordinator, had spent three days with Marge and me during the MAC, but Deb Castig had only met me on the phone.
So, we went over there on Friday, and met with both Deb and Curt for several hours. It was pleasant, and my assessment is that Deb is a very competent and organized person. We discussed a number of possibilities of areas where we could use English in ministry and have opportunity to learn the language.
As always, my lack of credentials raises questions. There are possible teaching or preaching positions that I could do, but it would be a question of if the team on the field would balk at my lack of formal training.
So, now it's Monday, and my typical reaction would be to call Deb at BGC headquarters and say, "Any new ideas!". Instead, I've committed that I would simply wait, and pray for this week. If Deb Castig calls me, great! Marge and I both would like to have a target to consider, but we both know the target is the glory of God, and in every situation we can honor Him through simple trust.
I've been feeling bad lately, because I have trust, but I also have mistrust at the same time. Joy at following his design, and fear at leaping into the unknown. It made me feel fairly carnal. You know the drill, "OH, some Christian I am! I would rather stay, live a safe predictable life and earn good money." It didn't make sense that I had the desire and willingness to go anywhere and do anything for God, but had all these doubts and fears as well.
I read a great article that said (I'll paraphrase): Everyone knows how to do two things at once. Drive and eat lunch. Excited about a presentation and fearful about it at the same time. Yet, we feel like in matters of faith we have to be all or nothing. It shouldn't surprise us to have trust in God, and faith in His plan along with fears and doubts at the same time.
That was liberating to read. I am gripped with fear at times. I call them missions panic attacks. I'm leaving everything (or so it seems). We've talked about this as a family, and each of us can list things we will loose, things we will miss very much. Yet, I want to get on with it. I want to hit the road and start the work that God has for us. So, I am confident, and doubtful, eager and fearful all at once.
It is a tribute to how God has changed me over the years, that I'm willing to tolerate such ambiguity with out absolute panic or turning back to old "habits". I'm thankful too that God is "big enough" to know my desire to serve and please Him, and tolerate my failings as a patient heavenly Father.
Adam
Adam
Labels: Journey To Missions
posted by Sojourn @ 7:11 AM
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